ReallyRight

Prodigal Snowflake

Regrettably, CRA is not the only dumpster fire we are following these days.


image

The story that you are about to read is true. Names were withheld to give plausible deniability to those involved.

A young girl lived with her mother and grandparents in a village not far from the big city. Mother and grandmother doted over the girl. Mother was thrilled that her daughter liked many of the same things that she and grandmother liked. The young girl attended the village school. The young girl was a little slower than her peers in some areas of learning and development. Mother had two options on how to deal with this problem. Option one was to tell the daughter that she needs to try harder and yes it would be difficult at times. Option two was to shelter the daughter from her learning difficulty by convincing the teacher to selectively withhold the expectation of achieving the same standards as her peers. Mother decided that option two was better for her daughter.

As the daughter grew, she did well in school. She had great short-term memory recall and as a result, she performed well on her tests; however, she was devoid of any ability to reason. If she was given “A” and “B”, she was incapable of ever getting to “C”. Others that knew her were concerned about this lack of logical thinking but since she was sheltered by mom and grandmother, nothing consequential ever resulted from her lack of sound judgement. At an early age it was even regarded as innocence and endearing. Of course, not knowing that she didn’t know, she thought this was the norm for people.

Like many in her generation, she was very self-focused. Upon meeting her, people were impressed with her confidence, poise, and demeanor. All anyone had to do was ask her about herself and she could talk for hours. Most adults thought she was wonderful, mature, and very together. Truly she does make a great first impression; however, those close to her notice that what other folks miss is that all she talks about is herself.

Now daughter is an adult; well per the calendar anyway. By exempting her from having to try harder in her youth, the daughter has not been pushed to be a fully functioning adult. Too bad for her that the real world doesn’t operate by accommodating those on the fringes of society.


Said daughter returned home after college and was offered a transitional period to move from being a student and into adulthood. She landed a job after college and was given a chance to live at home for $300 per month in rent. This “rent” covered her auto insurance, cell phone, and other expenses that mom was paying but felt her daughter should be responsible for now that she had a job. Mom continued to pay for food and did the cooking. By most standards this was a bargain. Rent also served the purpose of having her learn that along with her paycheck came the ability to pay her own way in society.

The daughter was told that one of the benefits of this stay at home was to get her up to speed with age appropriate responsibilities so that she could be a fully functional adult and not the dreaded roommate from hell. However, within a short period of time it became apparent that she was unwilling to learn. She refused requests to pick-up after herself, respect others, and do her share in exchange for living at home.

Daughter paid no heed to those around her. When the entire household was in bed, she would do things to keep others awake. This included laundry, showers, slamming doors, having tantrums about where she left her keys, and a general disrespect of others. She was asked to shower, do laundry, and other chores while others were awake and she refused. Here are three examples compiled from eye witness accounts:

Exhibit 1 Laundry
Her typical way of doing laundry was to put something in the washing machine, start the machine, and once washed, let it sit there wet for three or four days. After a time, her clothing was smelly from mold and mildew. This necessitated washing it all again and hope to remember to dry it this time. It might take five days to successfully complete a single load. Often the thing that prompted her to complete the load was the fact that others in the house needed to do their laundry. Once washed, her cloths were never folded or put on hangers in the closet, instead they were wadded-up and stored on the bedroom floor or on occasion shoved in whichever dresser door was the emptiest.

Exhibit 2 Safety
One day, her hard working mom was injured at work. Mom’s back went out and she had to take time off. For several weeks, mom needed a walker and could barely move. The daughter had the habit of deliberately leaving her stuff in the path from the hallway to the kitchen. (Purses, jackets, shoes, car keys, etc.) Her injured mom had to try to negotiate this minefield of crap in the common areas of the house just so she could fix the daughter dinner and do a few things around the house. When daughter was asked to be considerate of her mother’s injury, she retorted that it was unfair to be held to this standard of common decency. She felt that picking up after herself was an unrealistic expectation and she categorically refused to do it.

Exhibit 3 Sponges
While mom or others did the cooking, daughter was often expected to help with dishes. As you might expect by this point in the story, she approached this chore with the same gusto as laundry and other household expectations. Most but not all dishes made it into the dishwasher but wiping down the stove, countertops, the kitchen table and other surfaces was not done. Daughter dismissed the idea that cleaning the kitchen involved making it ready for the next meal. She usually left the sponge in the bottom of the kitchen sink soaking wet. In a short amount of time, the sponge would stink so bad that it could smelled ten feet away from the sink but daughter still refused to wring it out and place it next to the water faucet to dry. Daughter said that this sponge instruction was unfair and too difficult for her to be expected to remember despite her private college GPA of about 3.85 saying differently.

After about a year of constant refusals to act her age and honor and obey her mom, the daughter was given the ultimatum that many parents have issued to their children, “If you don’t like it here then move out.”

For her, the ultimatum was an invitation to try the path of least resistance. She reasoned, why change or grow-up when I can solve my problem by moving out? So she did.


After living on her own for a while, the daughter thought it would be good to have a place to entertain people and the studio apartment that she was living in was too small for that. Thru a friend, the daughter was told about some poor gal that needed a roommate. I’m sure the daughter made a good first impression so the roommate thought she knew what kind of person that she was agreeing to live with. Daughter and the new roommate agreed to rent a house and each signed on for their half of a one year lease. Prior to moving into the house, the roommate knew virtually nothing about the daughter.


image


Within a short time, the roommate had had enough and asked the daughter to go live elsewhere. Three months after moving in, the daughter was shopping for a new place and by month four, the daughter had moved out. The new apartment where the daughter moved, required her to sign a one year lease.

Daughter now has two concurrent leases to pay. Daughter has maintained that it was ok to move out of the house because she could afford both leases but hoped that she could find someone to take the balance of the first lease.

Six months after signing the first lease, the daughter now wants to be excused from the balance that she owes. She tried asking the landlord to excuse her but they refused saying she signed the lease and thus is legally obligated to pay the money. Daughter thinks that it is unfair that the roommate is living by herself and really isn’t looking too hard for someone to take over the balance of the lease.

Recently the daughter has got it in her head that she was evicted by her old roommate despite the fact that she moved out voluntarily. Not only is she still on the lease for the house but she still retains a key. Currently, daughter is hunting for a lawyer to take up her cause and get her out of the remainder of the lease.

Mom is frustrated that daughter won’t listen to her anymore. She now regrets sheltering the daughter from consequences when she was a child and wishes that she had taken another path. Sadly, emotionally the daughter is still a child even if the calendar says she is approaching age 30. Mom jokes that the daughter just waited until her mid-twenties to exhibit teenaged rebellion.


If you happen to be looking on Craig’s List, Facebook, or social media for a roommate or potential spouse beware because the daughter is still out there.

Meanwhile, we here at ReallyRight send our condolences to the mom.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 06/14 at 01:54 PM
Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.